


Fruit and War

by Gallifreyja



Category: Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-04
Updated: 2012-11-04
Packaged: 2017-11-17 23:07:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/554199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gallifreyja/pseuds/Gallifreyja
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki shows up for breakfast, Clint is the least happy about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fruit and War

**Author's Note:**

> This is just some random thought that popped into my head while my best friend and I were drawing Tony-staches on Hello Kitty & Friends late one night that happened to stick with me till I wrote it out. I feel better now. So here we go!

At five in the morning the whole team was woken up by screeching alarms and warnings of an intruder. Everyone was out of bed and down in the kitchen before Steve could even be bothered to be awake enough to say 'assemble'. And what do they have to show for their quick action so ungodly early? A god of mischief and lies sitting at their table, munching on a piece of toast like nothing was up, his expression a mask of pure innocence as he watched the still mostly asleep Avengers rush into the kitchen with weapons in hand. Except Tony, who only showed up with a tumbler, that was probably Velcro'd to his hand, and a frown. 

Thor rubbed his eyes to make sure he wasn't seeing things. "Brother?" he grumbled dropping Mjolnir in the process of relaxing, which rewarded him with glares. Because honestly, right in the middle of the doorway. 

"I see you lot are finally up." Loki took a sip of his coffee that he'd made himself, with the avengers coffee maker, in the avengers tower, with avengers still inside and not dead. 

What?

Tony just went back to bed, mumbling something about it being too early and there being not enough alcohol, leaving the rest of the team to figure it out. If they needed him then that was too bad. Natasha was the first to move towards the newly arrived god. Surprisingly, she simply took her seat, albeit across the table from Loki, and picked up the paper to read. To which Thor and Bruce quickly followed suit. Steve left, presumably back to bed like Tony but probably more likely the gym.

Clint stood stone still. What in the actual fuck was happening? "Uh, guys?"

They at least had the decency to look up at him. Although their confused expressions weren't very reassuring. 

"You are aware that our arch nemesis is sitting at our breakfast table, right?" He couldn't believe his so called friends. The damn traitors were just casually sitting there, easing into a comfortable silence together with the guy who single-handedly ruins their lives on a weekly basis. 

Thor shrugged and went back to drooling on the table, half asleep already. Bruce was also no help as he pointedly started studying the wood grain of the table with overly interested eyes. Clint's last hope was Natasha who he silently begged to explain this really messed up situation they were all taking in stride. 

She jabbed a finger in Loki's direction, without even looking up from the paper. "He does this once a month, to appease Thor mostly."

"This," Clint gestured around the room to them. "is a thing?"

Loki grinned at him and munched on another bite of his toast. He poked Thor in the shoulder once, a silent request to sit up apparently after a plate full of food appeared out of nowhere for the big guy. He was fully awake in seconds and scarfing down his magically Easy-Baked food when Natasha and Bruce gave him a scandalized look. Loki sighed and magicked up a bowl of fruit for them, too.

They all snacked happily on their breakfast, humming with enjoyment and contentment. Clint couldn't look more disgusted if you had broken one of his bows. Well, no, that wasn't true, but it was a close call.

It was Bruce who caught the expression. "Something wrong?"

Clint floundered. "Really?" was all he could muster. 

Ever being the manipulating dick, Loki squared him with the best kicked puppy look. "You have a problem with my presence." it wasn't a question, and hell yeah he did. Clint told him as much. 

"How can you even show your face here? Last week you broke two Thor's fingers and caused Natasha to sprain her ankle. Not to mention last month, where you almost pulverized Tony!" he was appalled, and he let Loki have it. "Not to leave out the whole coming to earth with an army horde and trying to kill us repeatedly AND TAKING OVER MY MIND WITH THAT STUPID GLOW STICK OF DESTINY CRAP THAT HAD ME WORKING AGAINST MY OWN FRIENDS!" with his voice elevating to new heights with anger he finally took a deep breath. If he woke up Tony, he would blame Loki. Everything was Loki's fault. Always. Kites falling into trees was Loki's fault. As was global warming and starving kids. "And how did I not know about this?"

Thor stared blankly, mostly unaffected by Clint and his yelling. "This is the only time my brother has made a spectacle of his appearance."

Loki frowned at the use of 'brother' but left it in favor of not being barbecued by lightning this morning. That argument last week had escalated quickly and left little to the imagination of what would happen should he protest. Absentmindedly he rubbed his shoulder in remembrance. 

"And seriously, you don't have to yell." Natasha ground out harshly while rubbing her forehead with the heel of her palm. Her night must have been really something.

"But-" Clint was loosing his footing fast. They really didn't care. "Wait." he squinted at Loki. "Is that?" Clint gasped. "He's eating my bread!"

"Don't be childish, you can share bread." Bruce scolded with his usual calm demeanor. 

Annoyed more that anything now, Clint pinched the bridge of his nose. "Can I at least know why the hell we aren't killing him right now?" Loki looked at him sharply. "Or vice versa." Clint quickly amended. 

Natasha was the one to answer, again. "It's a momentary truce till noon. He can't touch us, we can't touch him." For affect she hovered a hand over Bruce's shoulder next to her as if she was teaching a child the meaning of 'no touchy' and needed to include a demonstration. 

"But-"

"Just sit down, he won't bite." Came Thor's command, pulling out a chair next to him. 

Clint frowned even further. "He's already managed to get his filthy mouth on my bread, I'm not risking it." Intent on getting as far away as possible from the god he turned to leave, planning on going straight to the roof where he could sulk from a comfortable height. 

Then came the flying orange. 

Clint was so caught off guard that he just froze and stared in wonder at the somewhat smushed fruit beside him. Then something else hit him, this time an apple. It hit hard and right dead center on his head. 

"Ow!" he yelped. Turning back to the table his eyes immediately went to Loki. "Hey, I thought he wasn't allowed to touch us?"

The god, completely ignoring the archer's protests, flicked his wrist and three grapes flew right at Clint's head where he barely managed to duck them before a strawberry hit the Avenger in the eye. 

"Knock it off!" Clint warned without effect.

The three other Avenger's were useless, just stared on in amusement at the two of them as fruit after fruit was flung magically at Clint who was pulling some really nice matrix moves to avoid a few dragonfruits. And after a long suffering Battle of the Bananas, where more than a few of Tony's belongings were destroyed, the time finally arrived for Loki leave, with nothing but a nod to Thor and a triumphant grin he disappeared altogether in a flash of green. It took all of five minutes to realize why he had that stupid smug looked on his face as Clint learned that Loki had enchanted peaches to huck themselves at him wherever he went.

It took three hours and lots of coaxing from Bruce and Natasha to get him down from inside the ceiling afterwards. Only with the threat of hiding his bows, the reassurance that there would be no more magical fruit, and the promise of a new pet and specially made arrows, courtesy of Stark Industries, did he finally climb down. It took another hour to ween him off the idea of hunting Loki down and killing him in a horrible blender accident. But he did continue to mumble about a strawloki-banana smoothie for the rest of the day.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even. This was weird. I'm just gonna leave now. 
> 
> Review if you'd like, I'm always in need of critics. 
> 
> -Gallifreyja


End file.
